I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
