You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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