We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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