Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
