well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize