he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
