obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
