It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
