she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
