ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
