Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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