but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Four minutes until I can fart!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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