We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
