Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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