I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize