one might say we're banned from that church
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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