Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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