it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
