drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
