Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
