I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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