is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
