I think im going to throw up on grandma
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
