Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My sheets look like a crime scene.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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