All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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