Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
