Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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