Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
