My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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