Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
