You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
