Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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