i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
