Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She announced her abortion via fbk
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
