Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
