the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
as a side note pls kill me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
