also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
