i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
