it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
