we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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