wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
