i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
babies were throwing up all over the place
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
