Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
