I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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