My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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