so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
