nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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