I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
