I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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