Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize