oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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