why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
