no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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