Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
