Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
