How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
