My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize