dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
