Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
