Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
