Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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