my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
