This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
