I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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