I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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