Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
