well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
