The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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