Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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