you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
