he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
