my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
