I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
