Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
