Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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