i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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