There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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