I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
