worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
