Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize