He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
