I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
