He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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