Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
