Its about making memories worth repressing
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
