weddingsv make me drug and hornr
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
