I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
