Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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