A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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