I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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