She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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