then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
