I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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