I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
