best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
