come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
