Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize