dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
