At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
