dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
