we have pet lesbian snakes
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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