If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
