her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drunk is not a location!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
