so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
