In the future we'll all be gay
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
