they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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